Supreme Being


How on earth did we manage to achieve anything before you came along?

Oh fount of all knowledge, always correct even in the face of overwhelming differences of opinion.

I envy you your perfection. Loved by all. Envied by all. Respected by experts in every field because it is obvious from the opinions that you so freely share that you know so much more than all of them combined.

I admire the way you spend so much of your time helping others to see the errors of their ways. With no thought for yourself, you have no hesitation in putting your thoughts down on paper so to correct those who are less gifted.. Educating them in the Elizabethan way of everything from childcare to detailed analysis of mental health. issues. From driving skills to educational options. There is only one true way

In areas of disagreement you are steadfast in your opinions, never letting simple facts get in the way of your stated views. Merely sticking to your tried and tested principle that if you twist things around enough then eventually you will find an angle that will again prove your correctness to yourself, and you of course are the only one whose opinion counts for anything.

I stand bowed in awe of your legal knowledge, your confidence in stating to trained legal professionals that they are incorrect in their interpretation of the facts.  It is a shame that you do not feel the desire to share your bountiful gifts with the rest of the British population by running for government.. Had you done so I am sure we would by now have wone the war on terror, created world peace, identified the signs of the recent world financial crisis in time to save and indeed strengthen the world banking system, and that would all be before lunch on your first day.

Still I suppose that the Countrys loss is my gain as I can experience the relentless wisdom of your advice on such a regular basis.

But may I have the temerity to ask just one question, one that has from time to time troubled my admittedly limited intellect

Were you born such an Up yourself opinionated arsehole, or is it just more evidence of the supremely high levels of achievement that years of dedicated practice can achieve when coupled with such a natural talent?